Not gonna be able to get on NG for a while, so don't be like OMFG WURS MICHELINMAN?! I'll be back. Just got work and shit to do. I'll check in every now and again, so NGSM guys can still pm me about shit if they need to. If I get to where I'm not around enough, I'll throw in a temp to do my job, but I doubt that'll be necessary. Also, I love you guys. :P

Only 15 posts til I was on the top 500 posters too! :(

Soooooooo-

Introduction Of The NGSM Member/Regulars/Apprentice System

Introduction - A lot of the older members in this thread have gotten tired of the lack of authority in here, and how there is no community, no desire to do well here anymore. In short, the thread has gotten stale and boring. I've organized a new system that should erase all of these problems. 6 months from now, the regular users may feel that this system is stagnant and needs changed out, and they can, of course, do that. That's the beauty of the NGSM. It doesn't live and die as a club. As long as there are people here that post sigs consistently, the NGSM will never die, and can be redesigned again and again to stay fun for sig-makers and to pump out the best quality sigs for requesters. It is under this idea that the voted-in members bring you the new NGSM Memberlist System.

The Memberlist - The Memberlist is the highest level a user can achieve in the NGSM. Members are users who are voted in by the current Members based on sig making skills, and overall contribution to the thread. Not only is a Member expected to make great sigs, but they also must strive to help younger users get better at photoshop by answering their questions and teaching them techniques. That's what being a Member is all about. After careful examination and much discussion, the fully updated Memberlist is as follows:

XIII13
highwaystar365
Life-Stream
michelinman
fahrenheit
HellboundNinja
ParadoxVoid
Simple
Makeshift
Allhaillaharl

Promotion To The Memberlist - Members will vote 5 days before the end of every month on who they feel on the Regulars list is worthy of being a Member. When they receive the PM about the voting, the Member will either respond "I don't feel anyone on the Regular list is qualified to be a Member" or they will respond with up to two users on the Regulars list. If a Regular receives 1/3rd of the total vote, including Members who said they don't feel anyone should be a member, and not including members who didn't respond at all, then they will be promoted to the Memberlist. At a maximum, 3 Regulars can be promoted each month, but it is HIGHLY unlikely.

Removal From The Memberlist - A Member will be removed from the Memberlist if they are voted off by the other Members. During the vote when Members are voting in Regulars, they can also suggest a user for removal from the Memberlist. This can be due to inactivity or not upholding the standard. Not because you don't like the guy.

The Regulars List - An Apprentice will be made into a Regular automatically after two weeks of being an Apprentice, assuming no one has objected to this. Regulars have proven that they can handle making sigs while posting maturely, and will set an example for Apprentices. If a Regular breaks rules often enough to catch the Members attention, The Members will vote on whether he be demoted to Apprentice, or receive a temporary or permanent ban from the thread, depending on what the Members think he deserves. The current Regulars list is as follows:

Exige2009

Removal from the Regulars List - Regulars will be removed from the list if they have not posted in the thread for over 4 months, or if the Members vote him/her down to apprentice or vote for a ban. After a ban, a user most go through apprenticeship again. Repeated rule-breaking and consistent demotion from the Regulars list may be grounds for a permanent ban, in which case, a mod will be notified whenever you post in the thread.

Apprenticeship - As soon as a user posts in the thread interested in making sigs, the first experienced user to see them will welcome them to the thread and ask them to read this post, which I will provide a link to in my next post. Ask him if he wishes to join in on posting sigs. If he does, he is automatically an Apprentice. There will be no inspection. Apprenticeship is a two-week trial period. At any time during that two weeks, a Member can bring up with the other Members that he feels the Apprentice is breaking the rules, or a Regular can notify a Member and ask them to bring it up. If this happens, the Members will vote on whether or not to take action, and if so, what should happen to the Apprentice.

Disciplinary Action - If the Members vote that a user needs disciplinary action, these are the options that they can choose from:

1. Demotion: Members can be demoted to Regular, or Apprenticeship, and Regulars can be demoted to Apprenticeship.

2. Bans: If the Members feel you need to take a break from the thread to calm down or grow up, they can do so. They will post in the thread how long they have decided the ban should be, and give the user charged one post to accept the ban. You may post PM requested signatures in the thread, but that it is all. If you have a question involving photoshop, PM a member. If you ignore the ban, a mod will be contacted by all the Members explaining to them that you where fairly banned from the thread and ignored. This shouldn't be a common thing. This is only designed to keep the trolls and ridiculously immature users out. Bans can be anywhere from 1 day to permanently.

NGSM RULES - These are the rules all users will abide by in the thread or face disciplinary action.

1. No +1/spam posting. +1 posting is considered any post that is short, meaningless, or unnecessary. Contribute to the thread by either educated conversation, or posting sigs. If you want to respond to more than one user, combine all responses into one post. Just don't post here to get your post count up. That simple.

2. No trolling. Don't try and pick flame wars with users in the thread. If you want to talk about a touchy subject, that's fine. Be adults about it though.

3. Be mature. You don't have to post huge posts like this one every post, but don't be an idiot about posting either. If you guys turn this place into a chatroom, the Mods are gonna be all over us. All clubs have conversation in them, it just needs to be kept mature. No more of those one word posts.

Abuse of these rules on a regular basis will result in disciplinary action.

Sig Competitions - One thing we discussed that we'd like to do to get the comradery back into the thread was weekly sig making competitions. These will be done, but obey the NGSM and BBS rules while doing so. If you see someone post a really intricate request that you think would be fun for a contest, respond in the thread and say we should do a Contest on that. If a lot of people agree, then we'll do it. You don't need Member consent for a contest. If a lot of you want to do one, just do it. :P

Conclusion - You need to read this entire post if you haven't already. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them in the thread, or via PM. If your name isn't on the Member or Regulars list, than you're an apprentice, and there's a reason for it. It means you need to clean up your act. Follow the rules of the thread or we will come down on you. With all this being said, this should be a fun new change that will be really cool to be a part of.

Welcome to the Redesign everyone!!!

Want to train a goldfish to be able to outswim the toilet flush? It's very simple, and it only takes one month of training. After you have obtained a large muscular goldfish in its prime, follow these steps.

1. Diet. You need to get him on a diet that will build lean muscle. Simplest way to do that is to fill a glass with muscle milk and place your goldfish in it for about 45 seconds. As he becomes stronger, you will be able to keep him in there longer, but if he dies the first time you put him in for 45 seconds, it was weak of heart. This is a great way of weeding out a weak fish right from the get-go. Make sure that you allow the milk to become room temperature. No more, no less, to help him simulate the transition from his warm tank to the cold toilet water.

2. Training. To begin training, plug a sink and fill it up. Then place a metal screen over the drain and put the fish in while it's still full. Goldfish aren't the smartest creatures. That is the main obstacle to overcome. By using a metal screen, when the drain sucks up the last of the water, your fish will get dragged across the metal screen if he doesn't fight against the flow and manage to flop away from the drain near the end. This teaches them quickly to swim furiously against flows of water. Again, if your fish is weak of heart, this will weed it out. That screen fucks their shit up. Do this at least 30 to 40 times over a period of a couple weeks to get him in shape while adding in proper diet.

3. Final steps. If your fish has made it this far, it is a fighter. It has developed a look in his eye that shows he is a warrior. He's battle scarred, and he's seen combat and conquered. Now, it is time for his final test. Your fish isn't a balanced fighter. He knows one scenario. The sink. As I said, it's not a smart creature, but it has become dedicated. You must make it understand that at any time it can be called upon to fight for its life. To do this, we bring in hell week. Hell week will break your fish down to nothing and bring it back up higher than you ever thought possible.

During hell week, you will wake the fish at 0430 every morning. Place a screen over the sink and turn on both nozzles full blast. Leave him there for an hour, and as the days go by, increase the amount of time he stays in there. As soon as he has completed this task, he can have chow. Take him straight from the sink and place him into a glass of muscle milk. He should be able to survive for 2 minutes at a time in there now. After his two minutes, place him back into his hell week barracks: a cereal bowl which must be placed in a PITCH BLACK space so the fish can't see anything. Also, find an audio track of baby goldfish screaming in pain over being anally raped and play it over and over where your fish can hear it. If you can't find a track, ask these guys to make you one.

At 1800, roughly 12 hours later, you put him in the toilet. The second he hits the toilet bowl use a wooden spoon to stir the bowl. Don't spin it so that he has absolutely no control and is just bashing around the walls. The point of the exercise is to have him be very close to outswimming your whirlpool, but barely not being able to. Once you get bored of doing this, place him in a glass of muscle milk again for 30 seconds (don't give him time to eat a full meal.) Put him back in his ceral bowl and leave him there until 0430 the next morning for wake-up. Any time you wake up to piss though or something like that during the night, slam a spoon up against the side of his bowl a few times to fuck with his head some more. Continue this process for exactly 1 week.

At the end of this week, if your fish has survived, he is a champion. He has a strong will to live, and will surely prevail in his task. Give him two weeks to recover, and see how strong your fish now looks. After two weeks, he is ready.

4. Day of warm-up. Do some basic sink exercises to get him back into the groove of things for a day or two before you attempt the flush. On the day of, place him in a glass of water and put the glass in the toilet so that when you flush the toilet, the water in the glass won't be affected. You just want him to see the power of the toilet. Flush it a few times. He knows the toilet from hell week. It will remind him of the one task he couldn't overcome. He will be determined. Place him in the toilet. He will swim around aggressively. He is in the best shape of his life. All of his training has come down to this moment and he knows it. IT'S TIME.

5. Flush him down the toilet.

Look at this fucking combat killer. He's ready to go. The finished product.

Especially Alyeska. The lower 48 sucks my ass.

Fuck you and fuck your mom.

What/who pisses you off more than anything in the world and why?

Somebody made a thread about trolling this website, omegle.com today, and I'd never heard of the place, and I have no experience with trolling, but I gave it a shot, and this is what went down.

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
:
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
:
You: whaet is u r naem, adresse, pen numbre for teh credat cadr, soshul secruty numbra and u famly naems?
:
You: redy for to seys whut. i has a peen and eh pepars redy for to writ.
:
Stranger: okay let me go get my purse and give them to you..
:
You: okey thainks. is for polis to chaes. they eh chase for to go after my seester and eh not for me. in eed for teh numbras plz.
:
Stranger: my name is bob sagat, i live at 1600 pennsylvania ave washington dc 20500, my phone number is 218-330-8004
:
You: bob sagat! form tev with eh twin show!
:
Stranger: no
:
Stranger: not him
:
You: u can't has ben on teh tev shoiw?
:
You: i wus sur it wus for haim.
:
Stranger: okay first of all, where are u from?
:
Stranger: or are u like 5
:
You: teh polis seys it is peen numbra wut i need for teh makes money for to pay.
:
You: for credat cadr.
:
You: i can has plz.
:
Stranger: are u from mexico?
:
You: i donat mattre. is from intret eh for caek and peen numbras.
:
You: plz to has ur peen numbras kthxbai.
:
Stranger: what is a peen numbras?
:
You: for credat cadr.
:
Stranger: a pin number?!!?!
:
You: yais.
:
Stranger: omg youre crazy stupid
:
Stranger: NO
:
You: wut?
:
Stranger: that is called STEEELING
:
You: but u said it wus!
:
Stranger: and its ILLEGAL
:
You: but is for teh polis eh may seester!
:
You: is WROING!
:
Stranger: speedy gonzales from of everybodies seeester
:
Stranger: lol i mean
:
Stranger: "speedy gonzales friend of everybodies seester"
:
You: teh poliz neds maney for to peh eh fyne and for to maek a prorbraton for nevar. :(
:
You: dais is meh job for et wus.
:
You: for to fend peen numbras.
:
Stranger: no comprende amigo
:
You: JUST HAS EH UR PEEN NUMBRAS ALRYADY!
:
Stranger: PEEEEN
:
You: IS PASHUNCE NO MMORE!
:
Stranger: no comprende
:
You: HAS TEH MONEYS FOR TEH POLIS
:
Stranger: yo quiero taco bell
:
You: i must has moneys for eh poliz.
:
You: for to fyne.
:
Stranger: then get a JOB
:
You: i em yung for job. has to wruk at nike NOWORES!
:
Stranger: so then save up money
:
Stranger: and pay your fine to the polisss
:
You: is to long. needs et for naxt shatunday.
:
You: PEEN NUMBRAS OR HAX NAO.
:
Stranger: this joke is getting old
:
You: u betr beh in ur pruse feindin ur credat crads.
:
You: for ta miel.
:
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

I think the thread got deleted by a mod who didn't realize that it already had a bunch of support. I'm gonna pm a couple showing them the newsposts and how many people were involved and most likely get this thing rolling. I'll let all of you know when I get a response.

THE THREAD HAS BEEN MADE. Link

For a long time, I've been thinking of how NG could have a place where users could have photoshop competitions like on somethingawful, and I'd like to run the idea past you guys. My inspiration for this idea comes from Photoshop Phriday, where somethingawfuls "forum goons" post photoshops in a thread based off of one particular subject or base pic and an admin picks the best ones and compiles them into a collection.

I'd like to do something similar to this on NG in the form of a photoshop club. The way it would work is that each month or two weeks, there would be a base pic or a theme that I would put out on the thread. Any user could send their idea for a competition to me in a pm, and I would pick the one I thought has the most potential. For each competition you would be limited to 3 shops. We would pick people who could judge these competitions and rate each picture. The top 10 pictures with the highest scores would give the user that created them points according to where they ranked. 1st - 100 points, 2nd - 90 points, etc, and there would be a roster that I would make to keep track of how many points each user had.

The submissions would be rated under the following criteria:

Quality of the image: 1 - 10. 10 being the highest.
Humor: 1 - 10.
Creativity: 1 - 10.

The judges would vote 1 through 10 on each category, meaning there is a possible 30 points.

I think this would be a fun idea because it would motivate people to make very funny high quality shops, and over time would generate into a thread with pages and pages of laughs in it. I think it'd be a really fun thing to do for people who photoshop, not to mention it would be a good way to show their abilities to NG, and for people who don't photoshop, it'd be a fun thread to look through just to get some laughs. Please leave some feedback in the comments section.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED LET ME KNOW IN A COMMENT.
I'm not going through all of the hassle of creating this difficult of a system until I'm sure a certain number of people would be willing to do it.

Thanks to how widely fucking popular I am, I got TEN CENTS from my userpage ads this month. That's right. Ten cents of U.S. currency from people who can't stop themselves from clicking on my profile to try and get a glimpse into what type of person I am. Don't get jellyous. Not everyone can be as awesome as me. It's ok. Just keep coming back so I can save up my fitty bucks and get paid for being cool. God knows I earned it. AWWWW YEAH.

P.S. Press CTRL + F5. :P